WELCOME TO THE ETIQUETTE CLINIC
Young lady with bullfrogs
Young man without bullfrogs
FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE SUSPENDED HONDURAN MEAT EXCHANGE
Hi, boys and girls!
! Felices Frogidad !
I hope each of you is behaving like mature
young adults and minding your parent(s) and/or court-appointed
legal guardian(s). The Big Gig is just around the corner, you
know. In the words of the Right Rev. Gordon Collins, "How
You Gonna Act?"
Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I jest. I am a jester, is true.
Allow me to take time from my busy schedule to
introduce myself. My name is Merciful Lee Dickens. I am a
practicing Sagittarian with a Cancer moon. Turn-ons include
romantic twilight strolls along the beach with my Bunny Rabbit.
Turn-offs include pushy girls who won't take NO for an answer.
I am a direct descendant of two Grand Finalists
from the 1950's televised Ted Mack Original Amateur Hour.
My father was an Irish tenor and my mother his lovely accompanist (piano). It is perhaps historically noteworthy to mention
that in the process of becoming Grand Finalists, they defeated a then-unknown teenaged pop singer -
a wholesome "boy-next-door" - whom the world would come to know as Pat Boone.
As you may have learned from your little
history books, my parents' mighty reign of terror was brought to
tragic standstill by a small child who managed to tapdance while
simultaneously playing the accordion. There was no shame in this
Who among you would NOT have folded in the inexorable onslaught of such raw unyielding Talent? I ask you.
But enough of the Past. Let us jettison back to the Future where we belong...
I live on the planet
That's me down there, waving up at you.
See? In the black shirt and matching skypiece? On the upper lefthand side?
Down and out from Seattle a bit? Look: I'm jumping up real high now! See? That's me!
Yeah, Earth's cool. I wouldn't live anywhere else. It's an excellent place to raise a family. We've got good gravity - hardly anyone goes flying off anymore - and there are plenty of old refrigerators for the kids to play in!
Too tired to cook? Get with the program and switch to sidereal time - It may be earlier than you think!
You got a problem wit dis? Tell me about it,
Chumpo! Send all correspondence, in awe, to:
His Most Arrogant Male Majesty, c/o Merciful at mindspring.com .
Operators are seated, but will gladly stand by on request.
AND NOW FOR SOME
LINKS OF VITAL INTEREST:
SEATTLE & ELSEWHERE
HEY, SEE IF
THERE'S ANYTHING GOOD ON!
WAKE UP AND SMELL THE PAVEMENT - LIVE CAMERA ON BOURBON STREET
WALLACE & GROMIT!
WAITS, YOU CRAZY MUTHA!
UP THE EAGLES/THE NEIGHBORS ARE LISTENING
GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY!
THE ABSOLUTE BEST MUSIC YOU MAY HAVE NEVER HEARD:
I'm speechless - this cat is amazing!
THE PHENOMENAL CELLIST, ASHRAF HAKIM
(photo by Doug van
(photo by Doug van Kampen)
FREAK MOUNTAIN RAMBLERS
Hungry Freaks, Daddy!
The Absolute Best Blues Band Working Today, period.
THE GREATEST JAZZ SINGER IN THE WORLD
DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL!
DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL!
WHAT TO DO UNTIL THE DOCTOR WILL SEE YOU
WOW! CHECK OUT THIS WEBSITE! TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL!
HEADS UP, HOTSHOTS
THIS IS A NIFTY LITTLE GIZMO FOR TRACKING SATELLITES AROUND THE WORLD
WITH THIS AMAZING SCIENTIFIC DEVICE YOU NOW CAN
PINPOINT WHICH SPACECRAFT ARE DIRECTLY OVERHEAD,
WATCHING YOU EVERY STEP OF THE WAY...
COOL STUFF FROM THE U.S. NAVAL OBSERVATORY
IF THE THUNDER DON'T GETCHA, THEN THE LIGHTNING WILL...
STANDING ON SHAKY GROUND?
I KNOW *I* AM...
NO HOME IS COMPLETE WITHOUT THIS WONDERFUL LABOR-SAVING DEVICE
THE DIVINE MESSAGE OF THE ENTITY KNOWN AS FOSS
R.I.P. Daniel Aaron Foss 26 july 1940 - 20 august 2014
YOUR SOURCE FOR UP-TO-THE-MINUTE HILARITY
THE PERRY BIBLE FELLOWSHIP:
THIS MODERN WORLD
ZIPPY THE PINHEAD
POINT OF REFERENCE:
PANCAKE J. DICKENS
HUSBAND * FATHER * PHILANTHROPIST * MARSUPIAL
STUDYING TREES IN THE EBRIARY
WITH SWEET LAWZY BEE DICKENS
"We survived for
on nothing but food and water"
--- W. C. Fields
Self portrait - 2003
GOD'S LONELY MAN
REVEREND GORDON COLLINS
(QUITE POSSIBLY THE FUNNIEST MAN IN THE WORLD)
CALLOUS SOPHISTICATE AND CELEBRATED
GOURMAND OF THE SNAKE HEART
JUNGLE BOB WHEAT
(FAR LEFT/FAR OUT)
LIVE AT PORTLAND'S CRYSTAL BALLROOM
My Best Friend and Fellow Disc Jockey
Katie HindsR.I.P. LOVE
THE GHETTO, 1975
by Erin Lightel McGill
(left to right: Erin, Crazy Frank, Spider John, Boogie Dog, Your Humble Narrator)
AND A CANDLE IN THE
WINDOW FOR A PAL WHO WENT ON AHEAD
REST IN PEACE, LaMONT
GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
TODAY'S ART MASTERPIECE
MADE POSSIBLE BY A GENEROUS ENDOWMENT FROM THE EAST ALABAMA PSYCHEDELIC
CATTLEMEN'S ASSOCIATION AND YOUR BENEVOLENT COUNCIL OF FNORD ELDERS
TRAGEDY NARROWLY AVERTED
THANK YOU FOR THE NICE WORDS
Rest In Peace, Callahan
Thanks for the laughs
YA'LL COME BACK NOW, HEAR?
Anything 3 dogs can do,
4 dogs can do better.
(I think Abraham Lincoln said that)