Honors Contract "click here"
Honors Project for Speech 100
Interpersonal Communication Enrichment Project
The purpose of this project is to help you identify an area in your own interpersonal communication you’d like to enhance or change; then provide a systematic approach to facilitate that change.
1. Identify an area you’d like to work on by review your “personal goals” inventory (see attached). (For example: Suppose you want to learn to express your honest feelings more readily, easily.)
2. For three days determine the number of times you have the “opportunity” to express your feelings and the “actual” number of times you express them (i.e. opportunities = 10 and actual = 4. So you’ve expressed your feelings 40% of the time). Under what conditions? With whom? Which feelings? This will serve as a baseline from which to measure change. Using your baseline information of 40%, set a specific goal (i.e. increase expression of feelings from 40% to 80%).
3. Develop an intervention strategy for changing your communication. Write it down. This is the creative part. What will you have to do to begin to change the identified behavior? Ask yourself:
4. After 21 days, take another baseline measure for three days. Compare the beginning with the ending. Critique the project and your progress.
Note: The paper you turn in should include:
1. A title
2. Your interpersonal communication goal and baseline data
3. Intervention strategy
4. Final results and self-evaluation (i.e. insights about yourself and the topic)
5. Length will probably be between 4-5 pages, typed, double-spaced with 1-inch margins.
6. Ten percent (10% of your grade depends on correct spelling, grammar, and punctuation).
· These are the most important parts of the written assignment. Be sure to really spend time thinking about the process of changing communication behavior. How does it happen? Under what conditions? When does it feel safe (unsafe)? What parts are most difficult (easy)? What would you do differently if you continued the project? How did other people respond to you when you tried your new communication behavior? You might find it helpful to keep a journal and jot down insights as they come to you during the 21-day intervention phase. Do not limit yourself to these questions only.
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The sample paper is provided to give you some idea about how you might approach the assignment. Please don’t just copy what is here. Think about your own need for change and what YOU would do. Good Luck!
I want to communicate my feelings more openly and honestly with my dating partner. I currently express my “true” feelings about 50% of the time. I want to increase the percentage to 80-90%.
In my initial data gathering, I discovered I express only a small “range” of feelings (i.e. happy, angry, confused, hurt). Most of the time these emotions are not truly descriptive of what I’m feeling. They are a quick, convenient way to label and communicate emotional states, but they lack exactness. I believed by expanding my feelings vocabulary I would broaden my experience of emotions, and consequently, my language to talk about them. To do this, I took seven words a week from the feelings list in our book and tried to image (or feel) the feelings that went with the words. This helped me label feelings I have which don’t fit neatly into my narrow vocabulary. This procedure, however, did not help me identify certain feelings. Using the list did not always result in identifying the feeling. I discussed the problem with a good friend and she suggested I read a book titled Focusing by Dr. Eugene Gendlin.
I found the book insightful and useful for my project. It dealt with feelings people experience but cannot label very easily. I did the exercises it suggested which gave me practice at recognizing feeling states. For example: I followed the six-step method for focusing on feelings (1. clearing a space; 2. felt sense; 3. handling; 4. resonating; 5. asking; 6. receiving; pp. 43-45). This method was useful for identifying feelings that were unclear to me.
Another part of my intervention strategy involved my dating partner. I discussed the project with her and she agreed to help. I realized in gathering the baseline data that my fear of how people will respond blocks my honest and full expression of feelings. So my partner and I worked out a strategy.
She agreed to listen to listen to the feelings I need to express, both pleasant and unpleasant. If the feelings were unpleasant and related to her, we agreed there would be no comment (only paraphrasing for understanding) from her until a later time. (i. e. maybe 15 minutes; or an hour but no later than 24 hours.) This would provide a cooling-off period if needed. Then her complete response/rebuttal with my full attention to her comments was due whenever we did discuss the issue again.
III. Results and Self-Evaluation
At the end of 21 days I measured my communication behavior again. I increased my honest, open expression of feelings from 50% to 75%. I had several insights relevant to the project.
First, expanding my “feelings vocabulary” was good but it was more of a “head” (thinking) exercise than a feeling one. I discovered that I go through most of my day not being aware of my feelings. I know my thoughts (i.e. She’s nice, Bill’s funny, biology is interesting but complex. etc.), but I’m not clear which feeling state goes with certain thoughts. In fact, prior to this project, I would have said most of the time I’m not feeling anything. Yet, the Focusing book I read stated peop0le are always feeling something, even if it’s indifference, lack of interest, etc.
Second, it was very difficult to admit certain feelings (i.e. sadness, jealousy). When growing up we weren’t allowed to be sad. We could be angry, happy, frustrated, but not sad. The message I got was there was something wrong with me if I’m sad. So, it was very difficult to tell my partner I was sad. But when I did , she said it was one of the emotions she recognized easily and sometimes really got into it (i.e. would go to sad movies, play sad music, etc.). She didn’t want to stay in a sad state, but she didn’t deny the feeling either. Hearing her embrace her sadness and move through it was uplifting for me. I didn’t have to experience guilt or cover-up feeling sad anymore.
A third awareness centered on the depth of emotions felt. By being willing to experience “unpleasant” emotions, my capacity to feel has grown, so I am now beginning to feel the “pleasant” emotions more deeply, too.
Fourth, I want to continue expressing feelings more openly and I’ve discovered it’s safe with my dating partner and a couple of close friends. It’s much harder, however, with the people at work. At my job I stay with the “safe” emotions (i.e. happy, angry). But these feelings don’t really capture my mood. They don’t accurately convey what I want them to. For example: my boss gave out the work schedule for the next two weeks and I got fewer hours than I’d anticipated. I felt devalued, angry and insecure about my position. I wanted to express this, but only said I was “displeased”. I felt my work was above part and to get fewer hours was a “total insult.” I felt I betrayed myself by not being more honest with my boss.
And finally, I realize in my family we were (are) never honest about our feelings. We are afraid we might hurt someone. We’re definitely too protective. I didn’t have any good role models to demonstrate how to appropriately express emotions. I realize now, however, that there are many good communicators available--- close friends, counselors, ministers, teachers. I’m better able to identify healthy communication, even if I don’t always practice it.