Married With Children: the Songs and Poetry
[shamelessly copied from the wonderful Married With Children Resource Centre  website (http://www.al-bundy.co.uk/)]

"Psycho Dad"
Sound Clip (501)
- Sound Clip (621) - Sound Clip (823 beginning) 
- Sound Clip (823 end)

Who's that riding in the sun?
Who's the man with the itchy gun?
Who's the man who kills for fun?
Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad, Dad.

He sleeps with a gun
but he loves his son

Killed his wife 'cos she weighed a ton.
Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad, Dad.

A little touched or so we're told
Killed his wife 'cos she had a cold
Might as well she was getting old
Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad, Dad.

He's quick with a gun
And his job ain't done.
He's Psycho Dad

Who's that riding in the sleigh?
Who's that firing along the way?
Who's roughing up bums on Christmas day?
Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad

Who's that riding across the plain?
Who's proud 'cos his wife is slain?
Who's the man who's plumb insane?
Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad, Psycho Dad


"Psycho Mom" - Sound Clip (621)

Who's that gal that needs no man
Killed him dead with a frying pan
Did it 'cos he missed the can
She's Psycho Mom


"Bundy-the-no-Man" (aka Frosty the Snowman)

Bundy the no man
He's as bald as he could be
With hair in his nose
And rot on his toes
He's as bald as he could be

Bundy the no man
He's as bald as he could be
He's into old age,
making minimum wage,
he's as bald as he can be


" Day-o"

Day-o daaay-o
morning comes and I'm working no-more
morning comes and I'm working no-more
I see deadly red tarantula
but I sit here with my hands in my pantula
Day-o daaay-o
morning comes and I'm working no-more


"Marrying Man's Fight Song" - Sound Clip

My wife will never cook or clean
Still my money's spent
Who knew when I first chose my mate
That she would put on that much weight

She said she knew for sure
That it could only work with her
Please K-I-L-L, K-I-L-L, me, me, me


  "Al's Gardening Song"

Old MacBundy had a farm
B-U-N-D-Y

And on this farm there was no wife
B-U-N-D-Y

And no wife here and no kids there
With a hooker coming over on Friday night
With big luscious of hooters and a pizza and a beer there

Old MacBundy had a farm
B-U-N-D-Y


"Old-Aid" - Sound Clip

We are the old, we've got arthritis
Our gums are weak ( so weak ) from gingivitis
We are the old, we've got arthritis
We are the ones who wear bifocals and have bursitis
There are people younger but we heed another call
We really need the money, our accountants took it all
We sing to you, those who have money
Once we was cool, but now we just dress funny
We need your help, so please please dig deep
Don't call after 10 'cos we'll be asleep
We have medicare and anti-gas pills
But without your help, we can't pay our alimony bills

We are the old [ they are the old ]
We have arthritis [ they have arthritis ]
Once we were gods, no golf excites us [ golf excites 'em ]
So write a check ( a really big one ) for our December
There's another verse, but we can't remember

 

"My Big Red Wife"

I've been married to Peg
For over 20 years
I've seen her from the front
I've seen her from the back
I've seen her in a chair
I've seen her in a sack
I've seen her stand
I've seen her crouch
I've seen her on our stupid couch
I do not like her in the mall
I do not like her in the hall
I do not like her in my life
I do not like my BIG RED WIFE!


"Al's Christmas Song" - Video Clip (500KB)

T'was the night before Christmas
and all through the house
no food was stirring
not even a mouse.

The stockings were hung
'round dad's neck like a tie
Along with a note that said
'Presents or die.'

The children were plotting
all night in their beds.
While the wife's constant whining
was splitting his head.

But, daddy had money this year in the bank.
Then they closed up early,
now dad's in the tank.

All of a sudden Santa appeared,
with a sneer on his face,
booze on his beard.
"Santa," I said as he laughed merrily,
"You do so much for others,
do something for me"
"Bundy, he said, you only sell shoes,
your son is a sneak thief,
your daughter a flooze.
Ho, Ho," Santa said,
"Should I mention your wife?
her hair is like an A-bomb,
her nails like a knife."

He climbs up the chimney,
fat piece of dung.
He mooned me two times.
He stuck out his thumb.
He exclaimed, as he broke wind with glee,
"You're married with children, you'll never be free."


"Al Gets a Circumcision and Marcy Gets Him a Card"

We heard about your little loss
We know you'll make it through
'cos thankfully the part they took
was of no use to you
and though they took more than you'd like
the good look is you see
another quarter inch
it'd been a full lobotomy!


"At the Nudie bar" - Clip 1 - Clip 2 - Clip 3 - Clip 4

at the nudie bar
where you can look at a thigh
and blacken an eye
at the nudie bar

at the nudie bar
where they show you their butt
and their trap stays shut
at the nudie bar

at the nudie bar
where you can't touch a breast
but you can cave in a chest,
at the nudie bar

at the nudie bar
where the girlies dance
in their underpants
at the nudie bar

at the nudie bar
Where the music stinks,
and they water the drinks.
The nudie bar

at the nudie bar
Where the beer gives you gas
But the Bundy's KICK ASS.
the nudie bar

at the nudie bar
Where Christmas is nice
And lap dances are half price
at the nudie bar
at the nudie bar
Where you drink down the shooters
and unwrap the hooters
at the nudie bar

at the nudie bar
Where egg nog's a plenty
and the girls are all 20
at the Nudie bar


Al's " I Care " Song

When hooters giggle around
and I find nickels on the ground
I care

When the Mustang engine purrs
and the bathroom's not hers
I care

When the pitcher's on the mound
and the wife is underground
I care.

But when I've been playing this for days
I'll kill anyone who stays
I swear!

 



return to Sublime and Ridiculous page